Rooftop battle.

A Crushing, bone shattering, pressing weight descends. With panicked glances, I begin searching for a way out. A sudden and chilly silence of dread fills my soul.  It's back. That nagging haunting feeling, one that slices to the core and refuses to be ignored. I recoil deep within, only desiring to flee instead of fight.
Inadequate. Freak of nature.
"No! Not again!", my mind shrieks, as a mad dash ensues to fight back against the impeding darkness.
Accident. Damaged.
"I am more than that", I attempt to reason as I grope for light amidst the darkness
Diseased. Undesirable.
"Its Not about me" I block, not willing to give into this yet.
Broken. Shattered.
The arrows have found their mark. The chink in my armor, small yet so vulnerable.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, But words can also hurt me.
"Breathe, Just breathe" I repeat, trying to focus my thoughts on anything but this. The cold air seeps into my lungs, my feet numb against the tin roof and slowly it seems the sense of foreboding looses its grip.
Dysfunctional. Unlovable.
"Help me Father" I pray, as I lose ground again.I start humming.
Jesus loves me, this I know. 
How do you know? Can you trust this stuff that has been spoon fed to you? 
for the bible tells me so
Children's Stories? Really?
"No, there is more than just these paradoxical stories. I have more Personal Experiences." I rebuttal as I travel down memory lane.
Oh ? Going to memory lane are you? well Lets see here... 
I bristle, preparing for what is about to come up.
Abandoned. 
"Discovered"
Shamed. 
"Forgiven"
Rejected.
"Chosen"
Lost. 
"Found." I retaliate, finding my strength multiplying as I prepare to make a stronger comeback.
"Its all about the focus"
Its hard to focus in the shadow of distress
"Ah, sometimes yes, but you see its the shadow itself that helps outline the issue here."
?
"A shadow is an indicator of a greater light. Like I said, All depends on ones focus"
Light strikes back at the darkness. A final struggle ensues but the victory has already been won by someone long before me.
Slowly breathing becomes easier. I begin to see the moon and stars, once again able enjoy the beauty of my surroundings.
Another battle fought, Another battle won, but not fought, nor won alone.
"Thank you" I sigh, as exhaustion takes over, and I settle into a more relaxed mood.

Another day looms, more battles more fighting, but somehow with each victory, and sequential exhaustion, I find myself growing just a little more on the inside. While my growth is slower than a stalagmite, it's also progress. I know it will be done when the Author of my story finishes His writing and finally comes back and takes me home. Then, then a new story gets to begin. For now I just have to wade through the battles, learn the lessons and trust Him more.