It was the last Tuesday before school started. I got the day off from work and to say that I was ready to do something epic would be an understatement. A friend invited me to go rock climbing - and I was super excited.
So we got out to the rock - a fairly hidden outcropping - known to those who are specifically looking for it; a super gorgeous setting. After he picked the wall we (well more of he with me doing a mimicking act) proceeded to get all geared up. Harness, rope, carabiners, anchors, chalk and special shoes. all specifically designed to make this adventure safe and fun. It was a great afternoon and I really enjoyed getting to try a new sport and relax out in nature. Now then, while I could probably draw multiple lessons from many aspects of this sport and that afternoon itself the one that has stubbornly refused to leave my mind has been the shoes
These shoes are specially made to help one find these impossibly small grips with ones toes, the way they seem to accomplish this is by being incredibly small and very form fitting. Now then I don't own my own pair of these special shoes, but amazingly enough my friend had an extra pair that just happened to be only 2 sizes too big. No problem! Simple solution being that Katie gets to wear multiple pairs of socks :) 2 pairs of normal ones and one pair of super fuzzy blue and white ones (think soft slipper like socks that one would wear as they lounge around their wood floored home). However, while I was the one who specifically choose these socks and brought them along, I was hoping that I could just wear the 2 normal ones but it was by wearing the super fuzzy ones gave that the just perfect amount of sockyness to make the shoes fit. (this is how I do Cinderella) No getting around it I needed to wear the blue, stripy, comfy yet very out of place, socks.
As I finally got around to getting both pairs of normal socks and then topping it off with my special ones, I started feeling a bit embarrassed.
"These look interesting" I mulled to myself as I strapped on the left shoe.
"So out of place, and super random" I noted as I tightened the other, *Sigh* "I'm just betting he thinks I'm an odd nut of sorts wearing these socks, my look at how they stand out, so contrasted with my skin and the general earthy tones of this place..."
I continued fretting to myself, mainly really because of my nerves were stubbornly stuck being all high strung at the adventure taking place.
"These socks look ridiculous" I finally ventured out loud, namely because I didn't want to relay signs of my nervousness and thus talking seemed like a good way to keep my mind off of such thoughts.
"No worries, no one is around anyways" He replied as he continued setting up the rope with belay hooks and such.
"You are" I responded dryly, more to myself than to him as I finished getting the right shoe on correctly
"Ah but, I have nothing but your best interest in mind" he responded with a quick smile as he finished the last touches on his task at hand.
I paused for half a second, mumbled a thanks and steeled myself to focus on things at hand, climbing.
Yet those words still linger.
"Your best interest in mind" Wow. not quite sure why that caught me so off guard - in a good way naturally, but still. As I have continued to mull over it quietly to myself this last week I think I do know why.
Now I will be the first to admit that I am not much of one to trust. Sure, I know how to do some trusting, for any relationship must have trust as a vital ingredient and I'm not a complete hermit, but deep down inside, if I'm being completely honest (as this late night and way to much thinking has somehow been the perfect ingredients to make me be so now.) I have a deeply in bedded fear that inside their own heads most people are laughing at me, never taking me seriously and are in general not genuine in what they say or do. - terrible yes, yet another story altogether - but anyways in this moment, I knew he wasn't lying, and I knew he was serious about having my best interest in mind and I knew I could trust him - well at least enough to not make fun of my choice of socks... (throughout the day this trust got tested and actually grew as I proceeded to to a fair amount of "sitting" on the line - trusting that he wouldn't let me plummet to my death as I tried to find a way to re attach myself to the rock - on a side note climbing is a super good trust exercise)
But there was a deeper lesson here. In the days that followed the words continued to reverberate in my mind. First, a recording of them as they were said by him, but later I began to hear my Father's voice filter in. I love my heavenly Father, and if there is Someone that I trust the most, its Him. But as He took these words and claimed them as His own to my heart - I realized something that I hadn't ever taken time to think of before. HE Has only my best interest in mind. In every circumstance. Somehow in my skewed human perspective (the same cynical and distrusting out look I had in relation to what other humans thought of me) I had jaded God in much the same way. Trusting Him, with my life, with the concept of Him always having a plan and working everything out for good - and all the other cliche things we learn and say. Trusting Him with surface stuff and with words and even actions sure, but with my heart, with my raw emotions- no, sadly no - I didn't quite trust Him with those.. and it took a pair of socks (and an honest friend) to help me see that.
Sad really, you known, that I took so long to see this, but its only by seeing that I can ever hope to work with Him to improve it. I have a long way to go- both in Trusting Him with my emotions and changing my personal perspectives (errr more of assumptions) on people and how I think they think of me...But it just is funny how He uses some of the oddest situations (socks and rocks - Really? ) to bring a point across and so Amazing is His love to be patient enough to work with me until I get the picture one tiny bit at a time.
