hardly a freshman in the game of life and yet a Senior completing college.

Here I sit. almost 4 am. I am so exhausted my eyes feel like they are going to fall out.
But they aren't.
I am working on a senior project - developing my own non profit organization. Almost 4 years of schooling has led me up to this moment. I am a senior, but just for tonight a part of me feels like a freshman.

I sit here with hope
and with anxiety.

I am worried about how my teacher is going to like my project.
And then I am not because I know it is good.

I am thinking about my future - its so real I can almost taste it,
and I am realizing that this is my future - late nights.

I am almost giddy with excitement for my "baby"
and fearful because I realize that there is much for me to learn.

A Review of what was learned and looking forward to what might be :)

In 2013 I learned:

1. Loving and accepting love is two different things, yet both essential.
2. Loss is a part of life, love anyways.
3. There is always someone else who can make you smile.
4. Music is a key way to change ones mood.
5. Being disabled permanently would be hard, but doable - especially with the right people.
6. Challenging oneself pays off - I was terrified of my new job at first, but now I am having a hard time imagining myself leaving (though its gonna have to happen...)
7. No sleep + no food = No bueno.
8.No sleep in general = No beuno.
9. I deserve affection / to be cherished (specifically in a romantic relationship) because I am precious, adorable and uniquely myself. I will not let myself be trampled or treated as a6.  mere option.
10. I have a Father who knows the deepest parts of my Soul yet loves me perfectly.
11. Taking a day to just relax can free and reset the mind like very few other things can.
12. Fandom, tumbler and blogging can take of a lot of non existent "free" time.
13. Journaling (or blogging) can really help define the mess of emotions inside.
14. I can't run forever. Its time to put some demons in their place, face the music and dance.
15. Identified a lot of bad habits in how I communicate (or don't...) and other personal growth areas


In 2014 I hope to learn.
1. How to trust more - and trust wiser.
2. Learn /  gain a deeper understanding of Gods love for me - and then reflect it more perfectly.
3. Fight the Paper giants and figure out the next stem in my personal version of Pilgrims Progress.
4. Communicate more effectively but also with purpose.
5. Carpe Diem! -To not miss out on moments because of over analyzing - Any moment could be the perfect one if it is cherished and claimed as such.
6. How to Let sunshine pierce my soul and continue opening myself up, unfolding into His beautiful flower.
7. To be just a little bit better today than the day before and more importantly to be okay and celebrate the little gains of growth.
8. Work on those previously mentioned bad habits - especially the ones that involve my pattern of inner talk/thought - for it is those repeated conversations and personal perspectives that shape my world and my interactions therein.
9. How to merge out of the fast tract of school to the faster track of LIFE.
10. How to take my theories and propositions of principle and turn them into practical actual life experiences.