Shadows

As I survey the horizon, all I see is darkness. I don’t know where I’m going anytime in the near future. I have a final destination. However, how to get there remains uncharted, a collage of maps and theories, a mess. Where am I going next? How will I get there? I am constantly jabbed by enemies that ambush systematically, to keep me in a perpetual state of fears and worriment. I thrash and fight with my billowing emotions. He loves me? He loves me not? Do I love Him? What is love? I feel anger, joy, depression, and happiness, all murk into a nasty mix of emotions. They are ever changing as a handkerchief flailing in the wind. Or even as the wind itself.


As I peer into the murky future, my eyes adjust and I begin to see shadows. Shadows are litmus to the presence of light. I pause from my inner battle of fears, and glance over my shoulder. I smile.

There is light, there is a sense of understanding of the past. I know where I have been. I know that I have survived many tragedies. I have survived both tragedies of family and of young love. By surviving I have become wiser, stronger.

I have learned to trust in my Father, He knows the end from before the beginning. He has pulled me through pain and out of mistakes repeatedly. Daily I let Him down, but hourly He holds me up. Even when my heart is hurting from a painful rejection of love, He doesn’t proudly pull away, but instead He listens to my bleeding heart and mends the ragged gash. I have learned that by staying near to Him is the only shelter I have in the midst of the raging storm of life.

I have become stronger by this knowledge. For it is by knowledge that foundations and walls can be built. What would a tower be without an architect? Or a bridge without an engineer? By the knowledge of trust I have strength. One may ask “How can you be stronger by trusting something you cannot see?” I become stronger because that which I trust in is stronger than me. A child trusts his father, not because he has seen his father do the impossible, but because he has seen him do the possible things daily. I have seen in my daily life how my Father has done the possible things daily. There isn’t a day that goes by that, if I am watching, He doesn’t show Himself strong to me.

I shift my eyes back to my battles. I smile. I know that I have a constant Force in my life. I have something to lean upon. While I still deal with changing emotions, and I still fight my battles against my fears, I know that I am not alone. Whether he loves me or not is not the biggest factor of my life. I am following my Father, and even though I do not know what lies ahead I know of the legacy behind. He has a plan and He will make all things come true in time.

I survey horizon, all I see is darkness. Yet, with that darkness I perceive shadows. I have hope.